I’m referring to my decades-long trek to find a literary agent. Though I’ve self-published seven novels, the decision to do so each time followed a fruitless search for an agent.
Years of seeking an agent have taken a toll, not least by the endless waves of rejection. As a child, I struggled with what I would describe as almost an aversion to rejection. It was always a struggle to ask something of someone. I’d much rather be asked.
Beyond rejection, the toll has involved hesitation, frustration, annoyance (not quite anger, not quite), disappointment and fatigue. I spent years jumping through proverbial hoops, attending seminars and workshops, taking a college writing course, joining writers associations, entering writing contests, and following the recommendations of resident writers, in an endless search for the ultimate hoop – a link to standard publication.
In recent years, I’ve used AgentQuery.com to find agents that might relate to my work. Not seldom, I’ve found crucial information regarding a listed agent not current. At times, I’ve barely emailed my query when I receive a polite form rejection. Typically, it reads “…read your query…not really for me…best of luck….” Occasionally, it feels as if my electronic submission triggered an automatic electronic rejection.
I used to feel almost apologetic for adding to the daily onslaught of an agent’s queries. Though I still struggle to overcome my hesitation to bother them, I no longer feel as apologetic. What would I apologize for? This query I’m sending constitutes heart’s blood I’ve put months if not years into creating.
Do I sound bitter? I hope not. I’m not aware of feeling bitter. (Disappointed? Yes. Disheartened? A bit, though no more than briefly.) I try not to allow bitterness a place at the table of my emotions. If I were to, it would signify a surrendering of hope, something I will not do as long as I breathe.
In my dogged exercise of hopefulness, I am currently pursuing agented representation for my latest novel. The tally to date: a single request for the full manuscript out of almost eighty queries. My response: I will complete the current challenge by sending out the remaining fifteen queries by requested snail mail ASAP.
How do I sound in offering a window into my experience? And does my experience strike a familiar note with any who have tried to ply my chosen path?
Stay
hopeful. I will.
